I honestly did not see this coming. My pregnancy with Baby J was a breeze. 39 weeks of nothing much different – a bit of fatigue, heartburn, bladder issues and…oh wait, that was it. I didn’t have morning sickness, I didn’t have weird cravings, I didn’t put on excessive amounts of weight – I basically carried on as normal with a few more naps thrown in for good measure.

I was also weirdly happy. I was one of those annoyingly excited pregnant women that actually has that glow that people talk about and seem to float around with a permanent smile on their face, smug in the knowledge that they are growing a human, the most noble job in the universe.

This time, well this time I wouldn’t be surprised if the Beard is considering taking a restraining order against me.

This time I’m an absolute nightmare.

Not just hormotionally, but physically my body is failing me and my personality has definitely gone on leave for an undetermined period of time.

How exactly is this pregnancy different to the first? Oh, let me count the ways:

  1. I am big huge ginormous. My clothes don’t fit me anymore, even the maternity clothes from last time. I’m stuck wearing basically big pieces of material aka XXL maternity dresses because I’ve given up trying to squeeze into any kind of pants.
  2. And don’t even get me started on bras.
  3. I have the body of an old lady. My knees make noises when I stand up, and sitting down is not a decision I take lightly.
  4. I definitely am not glowing. Instead, I have zits. On my chin, on my shoulders, on my chest…on my knees FFS.
  5. I have the most insane craving for wine. Litres and litres of wine. I dream of ice-cold glasses of sauvignon blanc and rose and champagne and anything and everything that tastes like wine.
  6. I don’t feel noble at all. I want my body back. I want to be able to sleep without needing to pee and eat what I want and fit into my jeans again.
  7. I am the grumpiest person in town. Hands down, no contest. If you hadn’t noticed.
This makes me happy these days.
In happier (skinnier) times

The thing is, I don’t really have a right to be grumpy. This has been a relatively very easy pregnancy and the reason it’s been hard for me is because I’m working and we moved and the Beard went fishing and I don’t have time to exercise and all these other first-world problems that I should really actually be thankful for, but my hormones won’t let me consider any of that.

So that’s the way it is and I’ll continue to be grumpy for the last 14 weeks or so. 14 weeks! Heaven help my friends and family, that’s all I can say.

Featured image: Heather Mount on Unsplash

the Bird and the Beard logo