Play Therapy in South Africa: A Parent's Guide

Let me start by saying something: getting your child help is not a sign of failure. It’s actually one of the bravest, most switched-on things you can do as a parent. And yet, most of us will sit with a quietly nagging feeling that parenting shouldn’t be this hard – we must be doing something wrong! – and not do anything about it.

Because we don’t want to overreact. Because maybe it’ll sort itself out. Because surely this is just another phase and our kid will grow out of it, even if it means we’ll get a bunch more grey hairs in the process.

So let’s talk about it. And let’s introduce you to play therapy. No panic, no guilt, just info.

What is play therapy?

Play therapy is exactly what it sounds like: therapy that uses play as the medium – because children don’t have the emotional vocabulary to sit across from someone and say “I’m struggling to process my feelings about X.” What they can do is build a sandcastle, smash it, and reveal absolutely everything you need to know. A trained play therapist creates a safe, non-threatening space where children can express what they can’t yet say — and it is, genuinely, remarkable.

Here are five signs that it might be time to take your child to play therapy – not only for your sanity, but for their well-being, too.

1. Emotional Outbursts That Seem More Frequent or More Extreme Than Usual

All kids have tantrums. All kids cry over the wrong colour cup. All kids occasionally lose the plot entirely in the cereal aisle at Checkers. This is normal. This is childhood.

But when the meltdowns start happening more often than they used to, or when the intensity of them feels like it’s dialled up several notches — that’s your signal to pay closer attention.

We’re talking about outbursts that seem completely out of proportion to the trigger, that leave your child unable to calm themselves down, or that are happening multiple times a day across different settings (at home, at school, at friends’ houses).

Children who are struggling emotionally often don’t have the tools to tell you that. What they do have is a body full of big feelings that have nowhere to go. So out they come, loudly and inconveniently, usually right before school pick-up.

Not even kidding, J once had the most enormous meltdown at his preschool when I came to pick him up. We both ended up sitting in the middle of the parking lot, cars parking around us, until he managed to calm himself down. I have no recollection of what triggered that meltdown but I’ll never forget sitting on the tarmac for that very long 30 minutes, waving awkwardly at other parents who were successfully managing to get their kids in the car.

A play therapist can help your child develop emotional regulation skills — learning to identify what they’re feeling and find healthier ways to express it. Which is good for them, and honestly, good for your blood pressure too.

2. You’re Going Through a Divorce

This one deserves its own section because it’s so common and so consistently underestimated in its impact on children.

Divorce is hard for adults — people with fully developed brains, the ability to call a friend and sob into a glass of wine, and some understanding of why things happen. Now imagine going through it when you’re six, and you don’t understand why Daddy doesn’t live here anymore, and nobody’s really explaining it in a way that makes sense, and somehow you keep wondering if it was something you did.

Even the most amicable, well-handled divorces affect children. They don’t need to witness conflict to feel the earthquake of their family structure shifting. Regression (suddenly wetting the bed again, reverting to baby talk), clinginess, behavioural changes at school, difficulty concentrating — these are all common responses in children navigating their parents’ separation.

Play therapy gives children going through divorce a space that belongs entirely to them. A place where they’re not trying to protect either parent’s feelings, where they’re not managing anyone else’s emotions, where they can just… be honest about what’s going on inside. The impact can be extraordinary.

3. Your Child Has Experienced Trauma

Trauma comes in many forms, and as parents, we sometimes underestimate what our children absorb and carry quietly with them. A hospitalisation — whether their own or a parent’s — can be deeply frightening and disorienting for a child. The death of a grandparent, a pet, or someone close to the family can shake their sense of how the world works. Abuse, in any form, leaves marks that don’t always show up immediately or obviously.

What’s important to understand about childhood trauma is that children don’t always react the way we expect them to, or when we expect them to. Your child might seem fine right after a difficult event and then fall apart three months later. Or they might develop fears or behaviours that seem unrelated but are very much connected to something they experienced and haven’t been able to process.

Play therapy is one of the most evidence-supported interventions for childhood trauma. It gives children a way to work through experiences that are too big and too complex for words, using drawing, puppets, storytelling, and play to process what happened and find a way forward.

My boys have had the trauma of losing both their grandfathers within a few years – two figures they were very close with and a massive part of their everyday lives. Luckily for us, I had introduced J to play therapy before any of this happened, for unrelated reasons. So when we dealt with these two losses, it was an easy decision for me to send him back to play therapy when I could see it was affecting his behaviour.

If your child has been through something hard, please don’t wait to see if they “get over it.” Some things children carry indefinitely without the right support.

4. Anxiety That’s Getting in the Way of Everyday Life

A certain amount of anxiety is completely normal in children. Separation anxiety is especially common in toddlers and preschoolers — it’s actually developmentally appropriate. But when anxiety starts affecting your child’s ability to function, to go to school, to spend time away from you, to sleep, or to engage with friends and activities they used to enjoy — that’s the line.

Signs of anxiety in children can look like:

constant worrying,
physical complaints (tummy aches and headaches are classic),
nightmares,
clinginess,
avoidance of situations they used to handle fine, and
an intense need for reassurance that never quite feels like enough for them.

Separation anxiety that doesn’t improve with time, or that gets worse instead of better — especially in older children — is particularly worth paying attention to. If your child is still struggling to let you leave a room, or is melting down every single morning at school drop-off well into primary school, a play therapist can work directly with those fears in a way that’s tailored to your child’s specific experience.

This isn’t about toughening them up. It’s about giving them the actual tools they need to feel safe in the world.

5. Signs of Depression — Withdrawal, Changes in Appetite, or Persistent Sadness

Yes, children can experience depression. It’s not just an adult thing, and it’s not always dramatic or obvious. In fact, childhood depression can be surprisingly easy to miss, because it often looks less like sadness and more like a child who has simply… gone quiet.

Watch for: a child who has suddenly lost interest in things they used to love. A child who doesn’t want to eat, or who has had a significant change in appetite. A child who is staying in bed, retreating to their room, or withdrawing from friends and family. A child who seems persistently flat or sad — not just having a bad week, but genuinely struggling to find joy over an extended period.

These changes matter. And they’re especially worth flagging if they come on suddenly, or if they coincide with a change in circumstances (a new school, the loss of a friendship, a difficult event at home).

Children are not naturally wired to articulate “I think I might be depressed.” They need adults around them who are paying attention, taking it seriously, and willing to get them the right kind of support.

So, What Do You Do Next?

If you’ve read this list and something landed — trust that feeling. Parents tend to know when something is off, even before they can name it. The fact that you’re reading this already says something about the kind of parent you are.

Start by speaking to your child’s paediatrician or GP, who can refer you to a registered play therapist. You can also contact a clinical psychologist who specialises in children and ask for a recommendation. In South Africa, the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA) is a good starting point for finding registered practitioners.

Play therapy is not a last resort. It’s not an admission that you’ve done something wrong. It’s a gift — a space for your child to be heard, supported, and helped in a way that actually works for how children communicate.

And if you’re still on the fence, just remember: we take our kids to the dentist before their teeth fall out. We take them to the physio when they sprain an ankle. Mental health is no different. It’s just health.

This blog post was written in collaboration with Elmarie, a play therapist based in Lakeside, Cape Town. Check out her website for more information or to book a consultation.